


In Which Dave and Karkat are Terrible at Flushed Confessions

by saintjoy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Love Confessions, M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2013-10-17
Packaged: 2017-12-29 17:10:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CG: IT'S ALREADY BEEN A FUCKING HALF HOUR INTO THIS CONVERSATION AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE POINT I WANTED TO CLEARLY STATE.<br/>CG: OR RATHER A QUESTION I WANT TO ASK.<br/>TG: thats right karkat get your head in the game<br/>TG: get what you came here for<br/>TG: your heads in the game but your hearts in the song<br/>TG: if you look the other way itll all go wrong<br/>TG: but you just gotta roll back your sleeves and be strong<br/>TG: holy shit are you taking notes this is pretty damn good<br/>TG: either way what is it<br/>CG: UH.<br/>CG: YEAH.<br/>CG: SO WITHOUT INTERRUPTION.<br/>CG: ...<br/>CG: WITH YOUR COMPLETE AND UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.<br/>CG: NO RUDE OUTBREAKS OF NONSENSICAL SEQUENCES OF WORDS WHATSOEVER.<br/>TG: jesus do you need an invitation</p><p>(Written for the HSWC Bonus Round 4)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Which Dave and Karkat are Terrible at Flushed Confessions

**\--** **carcinoGeneticist [** **CG** **] began pestering turntechGodhead [** **TG** **] at 18:32--**

 

**CG: BEFORE YOU START IN WITH YOUR BARELY COHERENT JABBER ABOUT SOME HOOFBEASTSHIT YOU HAPPENED TO PULL OUT OF YOUR WASTE CHUTE AT THE LAST SECOND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF PISSING ME OFF IN A VAGUELY CALIGINOUS MANNER, LET ME AT LEAST OPEN THIS INEVITABLY EMBARRASSING DISCUSSION WITH A CLEARLY STATED TOPIC, WHICH WE WILL FUCKING STICK TO OR SO HELP ME I WILL SHOVE MY FIST SO FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT YOU'LL BE PISSING IT OUT THE NEXT TIME YOU TAKE A VISIT TO THE ABLUTION BLOCK.**

**CG: AND FURTHERMORE, YOU WILL NOT FUCKING INTERRUPT ME UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, AND IF YOU SUCCEED IN THIS SIMPLE TASK THAT MUST BE EXCEEDINGLY TAXING ON THAT INSIPID LUMP OF GREY MATTER ROLLING AROUND INSIDE YOUR SKULL, I *MIGHT* FIND THE WILL TO RESPECT YOU AND NOT INTERRUPT YOU EITHER.**

**CG: AND NO, NOT EVEN A CIRCUMSTANCE WHERE YOU ARE ON FIRE, UNCONTROLLABLY VOMITING ALL OVER YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN, OR SPONTANEOUSLY ABOUT TO BIRTH A HUMAN WIGGLER, BECAUSE I READ UP ON THAT SHIT, AS DISGUSTING AS IT WAS, AND I AM FULLY AWARE THAT THOSE OF YOUR "SEX" ARE INCAPABLE OF CONCEIVING A CHILD ON YOUR OWN, LET ALONE ACTUALLY CARRY ONE.**

**CG: YOU ARE NOT FOOLING THIS MOTHERFUCKER, DOUCHEASS.**

**CG: NOW WHERE WAS I.**

**TG: sorry cant talk right now**

**CG: OH? AND WHY THE FUCK NOT??**

**CG: WHAT TASK COULD YOU BE SO INVOLVED IN THAT YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO AT LEAST LISTEN TO ME?**

**TG: im in the middle of something important**

**TG: so important that i cant even come up with some hoofbeastshit or whatever to pull out of my so-called "waste chute" to compare it to**

**TG: just strain your little troll brain and try to imagine it ok**

**TG: im a busy guy**

**CG: OH BULLSHIT.**

**CG: YOU ARE SITTING AT YOUR LAPTOP WITH A NOTEBOOK IN YOUR LAP WRITING RAPS, AREN'T YOU?**

**TG: what how did you know**

**CG: I DIDN'T.**

**CG: I GUESSED.**

**CG: AND TURNED OUT TO BE ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CORRECT, LIKE EVERY SINGLE OTHER TIME I HAVE GUESSED WHAT YOU ARE DOING.**

**TG: oh yeah**

**TG: well what am i doing right now mr psycho seer guy**

**TG: man and here i thought rose and terezi were all about that**

**TG: guess all those times you hung out with rose reading those trashy romance ndrangle novels made her rub off on you**

**CG: A MOVIE NIGHT WITH A PLAYLIST OF MY CHOICE SAYS YOU'RE TAKING A SIP OF APPLE JUICE.**

**CG: BUT LITTLE DO YOU KNOW THAT IT'S ACTUALLY PISS.**

**TG: god DAMMIT**

**TG: are you in cahoots with john**

**TG: is he spying on me texting you what im doing**

**TG: are you two brofisting behind my back laughing at pulling pranks on your mutual best bro**

**TG: well color me crayolas newly released shade of offended**

**TG: take that fucker right out of the mega 128 box of crayons and color me all over with it like a dinosaur in a coloring book**

**TG: because you have gotten downright offensive up in here**

**CG: HAHAHAHA.**

**CG: I KNEW IT.**

**CG: GUESS YOU HAVE ANOTHER MOVIE NIGHT NEAR IN YOUR FUTURE FEATURING THE ROMANTIC ENDEAVORS OF NEKTAN WHELAN AND MIERFA DURGAS.**

**CG: FREE ON WEDNESDAY?**

**TG: yeah yeah whatever**

**TG: but not wednesday**

**TG: im due on wednesday**

**CG: DUE FOR WHAT?**

**TG: giving birth to my baby of course**

**TG: gonna shit that little shit right outta my ass**

**TG: docs gonna come over and slap its little shit ass and make it cry like**

**TG: well**

**TG: like a newborn baby i guess**

**TG: and im gonna call the nurse over and ask her if i can hold my new child**

**TG: its a beautiful baby boy**

**TG: actually its not that fucking beautiful**

**TG: babies are ugly as shit and theyve got all that gross goop on them**

**TG: you know how hollywood represents childbirth as this whole fucking miracle and its so beautiful and wonderful and painless**

**TG: childbirth is horrifying**

**TG: im scared karkat will you come with me to the hospital and hold my hand**

**CG: HA HA. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.**

**CG: MY SPLEEN PRACTICALLY RUPTURED FROM THE LEVEL OF FUNNY THAT MAKES UP YOU.**

**CG: IT'S ALREADY BEEN A FUCKING HALF HOUR INTO THIS CONVERSATION AND WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE POINT I WANTED TO CLEARLY STATE.**

**CG: OR RATHER A QUESTION I WANT TO ASK.**

**TG: thats right karkat get your head in the game**

**TG: get what you came here for**

**TG: your heads in the game but your hearts in the song**

**TG: if you look the other way itll all go wrong**

**TG: but you just gotta roll back your sleeves and be strong**

**TG: holy shit are you taking notes this is pretty damn good**

**TG: either way what is it**

**CG: UH.**

**CG: YEAH.**

**CG: SO WITHOUT INTERRUPTION.**

**CG: ...**

**CG: WITH YOUR COMPLETE AND UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.**

**CG: NO RUDE OUTBREAKS OF NONSENSICAL SEQUENCES OF WORDS WHATSOEVER.**

**TG: jesus do you need an invitation**

**CG: NO!**

**CG: I WAS JUST GOING TO ASK, BECAUSE BASED ON YOUR BEHAVIOR AS OF LATE AROUND ME THAT IS OFTEN SEEN IN THE ROMCOMS THAT I STUDY NIGHTLY IN THE CASE THAT I'M MISREADING THINGS, BECAUSE I, NOT BEING THE APPARENT ROMANTIC GENIUS AS I ONCE THOUGHT I WAS, HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO FUCK THINGS UP BADLY BY NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP MY OWN MOUTH SHUT, WHERE YOUR BEHAVIOR IS A LITTLE TOO FRIENDLY TO BE MERELY PLATONIC IN MY OPINION, ESPECIALLY WHERE YOU JUST GO RIGHT THE FUCK ON AHEAD AND CORNER ME AGAINST A WALL AND EXERT THE FACT THAT YOU'RE THREE FUCKING INCHES TALLER THAN ME ON MORE THAN TWO OCCASIONS AND WHEN YOU GET A LITTLE TOO FUCKING CUDDLY WHEN I'M TRYING TO WATCH THAT COOKING SHOW THAT JOHN INTRODUCED ME TO, THAT.**

**CG: WHERE WAS I GOING WITH THIS?**

**TG: uh**

**TG: beats me**

**TG: i can take a stab at it though**

**TG: dig my porky little appendage nubs into this massive wall of unintelligible grey text you just slapped me in the face with like were in a disney cartoon**

**TG: man we should watch aladdin together sometime**

**TG: a whole new world**

**TG: a dazzling place i never knew**

**TG: but when im way up here its crystal clear**

**TG: that now im in a whole new world with you**

**TG: now im in a whole new world with you**

**CG: o:B ?**

**TG: fuck dont break out the adorable emoticons**

**TG: with your little nubby horns on top**

**TG: for the love of fuck thats just cuter than a box filled with kittens**

**CG: DO YOU SEE WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE?**

**CG: LIKE THAT.**

**CG: YOU KEEP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT.**

**TG: what that youre cute**

**TG: im not gonna lie man youre pretty fucking adorable**

**TG: especially when you just curl up on the sofa or something and you start purring when i scratch behind your ears**

**CG: I.**

**TG: but i think i get what youre getting at**

**TG: you think im flirting with you**

**TG: because im into you right**

**CG: WELL, TO PUT IT IN BLATANT IDIOT'S TERMS.**

**CG: YES, THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING.**

**TG: why do you ask**

**TG: are you into me**

**CG: I ASKED YOU FIRST!**

**TG: i asked you second**

**TG: spit it out dude**

**CG: I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU IF I HAVE FLUSHED FEELINGS FOR YOU IF YOU DON'T TELL ME!**

**TG: cmon man someones gotta take the risk**

**TG: jump the gorge**

**TG: test the waters**

**TG: wet the willy**

**TG: i could go on babe**

**CG: "BABE"?**

**CG: AS FAR AS I KNOW THAT'S AN AFFECTIONATE TERM BETWEEN HUMAN LOVERS.**

**TG: well uh**

**TG: it can be**

**TG: but it can also be a term between bros you know**

**TG: or i could be using it ironically**

**TG: you never know with me man im an enigma by choice**

**TG: its a hard life to live**

**CG: YOU TOTALLY FUCKING LIKE ME.**

**TG: do not**

**CG: DO TOO.**

**TG: do not**

**CG: DO TOO.**

**TG: do too**

**CG: THAT'S NOT GOING TO W**

**CG: DO TOO?**

**TG: maybe**

**TG: do you**

**CG: UH.**

**CG: DO TOO.**

**TG: hehe**

**TG: knew it**

**CG: WELL??**

**TG: well what**

**CG: DO YOU OR DON'T YOU?**

**TG: do i what**

**TG: fine i can feel you about to flip a shit**

**TG: its like i have a karkat flipping a shit sensor built into me**

**TG: i should get my karkat bingo card out**

**TG: will you look at that**

**TG: karkat flipping the fuck out over if his crush likes him or not is the last one**

**TG: oh wait**

**TG: just need one more**

**TG: karkat flipping the fuck out over his crush liking him back**

**TG: let me have it karkat**

**TG: rose says if i get bingo before her shell get me madonnas newest album on mp3 and cd**

**CG: JUST GET OVER TO MY RESPITEBLOCK AND FUCKING KISS ME YOU MORON.**

 

**\--carcinoGeneticist [** **CG** **] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [** **TG** **] at 19:56--**

**\--carcinoGeneticist [** **CG** **] began making out with turntechGodhead [** **TG** **] at 19:57--**


End file.
